Sometimes, you have a revelation. It could be an "a-ha" moment about your life or something in it. It could be a moment when all becomes clear for the first time. Sometimes, though, it's a painful reminder of poor life choices in the past, or a reminder of just how much you consider your childhood self as a waste of space.
I try to do good by others, and try to do good by myself, because - when my mind wanders - I am reminded of just how much of an asshat I think I was when I was younger. And there are times I think I am less-than-worthy as an adult.
I was a much different person when I was younger, and the structure I give myself today is my way of trying to atone for the kind of person I used to be. Nowadays, I am quiet, cautious, even-tempered, and accepting - everything I was not when I was younger. My childhood behavior is not acceptable by adult-me. It's an albatross around my neck, and something I regularly need to address. As a human being, I'm tarnished.
Most days, I'm fine with it. Some days, like today, I feel very guilty for being me.
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